Seven Things I Wish I Knew Before My First Serious Relationship

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Long before the times of when I was actually supposed to be in a relationship, I was in a relationship. I got into my first “serious” relationship when I was 15 years old, and at the time, it was the best thing since sliced bread to me. When I got into it, I went in head first. All the way. I mean I was sprung, for real. Now that I think about it, it was a complete spur of the moment type of thing, and very unplanned. Which is no surprise that it didn’t last very long. When I look back on the experience, there are some things that I wish I would’ve known before I jumped into it. Some of these things I knew about before the relationship because I’ve observed the relationships of my parents and those around me, but you don’t really know much until you’re the one having to do it. These things aren’t just for people who are in their first relationship, this can be for anyone, no matter how experienced you are.

1. It might not last.

The majority of high school relationships don’t last. Now don’t get me wrong I am the one who believes in being that other percent that will make it, however you have to be honest with yourself. Facts are facts. You should always have your own things going on aside from the things that you all do together. There’s nothing wrong with having things that you do together, but not everything you do or everyone you know have to be something you all have together. Hope for the best, but still prepare for the worst.

2. It’s going to be hard.

Any relationship that you get into isn’t going to be easy. It’s going to take hard work and dedication. That dedication has to come from both parties. One person can’t and shouldn’t be doing all of the work while the other person is just there for the ride. Having one person doing all of the work isn’t going to make for a happy and successful relationship.

3. Love isn’t supposed to hurt.

Love isn’t one of those things that always feels good, but it surely is not supposed to hurt either. It’s one of those things that differs for everyone, and is different in every relationship but there’s a big difference between unique love, and abuse. You’ll know, regardless of how many times you’ve been in “love” if its right or not. It’s an instinctual gut feeling that you’ll have. Be careful out here because its some crazy things going on. Just trust yourself and listen to what’s really going on.

4. If you’re bad days outweigh your good ones, reevaluate the relationship.

When me and (let’s call him “E”) got together, we had some of the best days of my life at the time, but when we , mostly he, was upset, it got really bad. I mean when I say bad I mean terrible. Like hell on earth type of stuff. Moving mountains and creating earthquakes and tsunamis type of bad. We would argue about the littlest thing that didn’t even require a disagreement. Things that weren’t relevant to us and our relationship quickly became toxic. (That’s a completely different blog post. Stay tuned for that.) our bad days quickly outweighed our good ones. In a 7 day week, we were arguing 4 out of 7 of those days. The other 3 days were of me tip toeing around him so he wouldn’t get mad for no reason again. When that starts happening you need to reevaluate what the real problem is, if you can fix it and most importantly if you still want the relationship. I’m not saying that when things get rough you need to run, but you’ll know when the relationship has run its course. You also need to know that if it has, you can’t change it and you have to live with that.

5. You have to be equally yoked.

When you’re in a relationship, you’re probably not going to be 50/50, because there’s not really a realistic relationship model, but you surely shouldn’t be 90/10. Or even worse, 100/0. This ties back into #2. One person can’t want it to work while the other person could care less.

6. You can’t change him/her completely.

You probably won’t ever find someone who is 100% perfect. It’s just not really that likely to happen. So when getting into a relationship, don’t go into it thinking this person is 70% of the person I want to be with and I can change the other 30% that I don’t like to make them perfect. You can’t change anybody. Influencing them to a better way of doing things or of living is one thing, as long as the influencing is in a positive direction, but outright changing somebody just isn’t likely. Healthy relationships don’t work like that.

7. Research is key.

E” and I got together very quickly. We hadn’t known each other for very long. Like I said, it was a very spur of the moment thing. It was definitely not something that I would suggest to anyone. I think if we have known each other for longer before we got together, it would have been a little different and it probably wouldn’t have ended the way it did. Get to know someone before deciding to get into a relationship with them.

I hope you liked my little soapbox about my mistakes. Most importantly I hope you learned something and implement it into your relationship. I would love if you left a comment so we can all talk, and share this post with someone so everyone can get this message.

-J.

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